Don't be Broken...

Most of the time, I spend my days alone. Mind running on fumes of thoughts that have suffocated my body and mind. The kind of thoughts that break you down from the inside out. The kind that builds and builds until you just give up and your mind falls into a state of uncertainty.

People tell me that I have a "wall" up or that I have closed myself off. Truth is they only see what I want them to see. It's not because I can't open up  or I can't have deep meaningful conversations. It's the stress that has been put on my mind and body through things that I thought I would not have to worry about as an individual. The constant pain if your enough, if you matter, if you going to make it our alive or watch your entire world crumble around you and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Writing and listening to music are the only things that keep me from my mind drifting but sometimes that is not enough. It's like falling into a deep, dark, bottomless pit where you fall down and continue you to fall. Now falling isnt the worst part, it's the things that are falling with you that remind you why you are feeling the way you are. The farther you fall the darker its gets and the stress seems to get greater. The only reason I continue to fall is because I continue to cycle these notions.  The best way for me to stop though is to most of the time, I'm so consumed with these thoughts that I just start to not care or get pretty bad anxiety where my mind races then ceases but this will last for as long as possible until I stop it. It gets too the point where I have broken myself down completely and the chains that held me up break off and I become consumed by these stresses.

Music has always been my antidote, the artists I listen to share emotions in there lyrics that I am drawn too becaubse it just feels right.  Music has given me an escape route to handling these problems.  Hence why most of the time I spend my time alone listening to music and just reminiscing in things going through my mind.

Sometimes I wish someone would just pull me out of this abyss and just have an in depth conversation about life and just listen to what I have to say.  Dont allow yourself to fall for too long, it'll be harder to get out.


                  "Freezing in my agony, but shit is getting warm..." Smoke my demons,I Inhale" -Demon love by: JuiceWRLD